Hold on now Youngster

I'm not sure what's sadder. The fact that I'm hanging out alone with a Los Campesinos EP on Halloween, a night where ordinary teenagers are up to all sorts of no good, or the fact that I willingly chose that over going Trick-or-Treating/mischievous antics with my friends tonight. In any regard, spending time alone is really nice. I haven't been doing much of that lately. It's always people, activities, family stuff, and all sorts of other life consuming things that involve me having little time just to myself. It's strangely religious feeling, just to close my eyes, and have wild bass lines, frantic, mildly distorted guitars, and odd indie punk-ish lyrics all around me.
Heh... Well, to be completely honest, I'm not entirely alone. I do have my trusty cross-continental IMing friend, a strange girl, to be blunt, but a good friend. I sometimes have trouble believing how close the two have us have become without ever meeting face to face... But, only time will tell what will happen there.
Lets see... Today a friend of mine kinda got me into role playing a little bit. That is some weird shit. Well, it's not just the idea of doing everything through/pretending to be your character, but how the people who actually do regularly partake in it. Most of them are just odd, lonely outcasts, not unlike myself. They (mostly) have really bizarre, yet fascinating ideas about things, all though they often don't have the best words to describe things with.
I wish that tonight would hurry up and finish. I have a date tomorrow with Vanessa, but as for tonight, the two of us are apart, just wishing we weren't. Hold on... I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but Vanessa and I don't actually live in the same town. We live in neighboring towns, about a 10 minute drive apart. The thing is though, when neither of us can drive, 10 minutes suddenly becomes a much larger distance. Pfff... Oh well. It's not too long now, before we actually can.
Jeez. Only as listening to the album drawing to a close do I realize how long I've taken to write just this short entry. Maybe I should draw it to a close before too long. I would greatly appreciate it if my brain could come up with any amazing, poetic inspirational words to make up for that much teenage angst, but that's pretty wishful thinking. Walking like giant cranes, with my X-ray eyes I strip you naked in... something. That was a line from "A Wolf at the Door" by Radiohead, the last track on the album "Hail to the Thief".
G'night, have a stellar Halloween, and don't aggravate the pumpkin king.



*Edit* I'm writing this the morning after Halloween, and it turns out, it was great. Not to long after I finished the post, I got a phone call from Vanessa, asking me if I wanted to hang out with her and her friends that night. Obviously, I said yes, and the night was a blast! It was so fun just to lose my inhibitions, and just let loose... Be a teenager, once in a while.
In any regard though, I suppose my whining was all to waste, but hey, it's all part of life, right?

Happy November 1st, sleep in, and wish me luck for the dance tonight. If anything memorable happens, I'll write about it on Sunday (or Monday, maybe)

Mormon Dances

For anyone familliar with the general concept of LDS dances should know this already: They're tame, generic, repeditve, and often just downright boring. The event I attended last night, however, was quite different. Yes, it was the same songs that are always played, yes it was the (mostly) same crowd, and of course the choking supervision of authoritative Mormons everywhere. The different part is credited to one person though. A girl by the name of Vanessa. God... Last night was the happiest I've been in a long time. Were this not a place where anyone at all could see my blog I'd write all about the amazing time I had in unhealthy depth, but I'll refrain. Anyone who does want to know, feel free to ask, I may (or may not, it depends who you are) ,elaborate on the events of the night.

Anyways, I just wanted to mention that, while it was still really fresh in my head. For the rest of this entry, I suppose I'll just let on a bit more about myself. I'm Canadian (and damn proud of it) I have four siblings, and I'm the oldest, but I don't mind it... In fact, I kinda like being the oldest, and carving my own paths, and guiding my bothers and sisters along the way. I have a slightly obbsesive relationship with my music. I'm very, very passionate about the arts, and people who don't care about that drive me crazy. And, my favorite clothing brand is threadless (www.threadless.com) 'Tis great

Okay, I just wanted to say some of those things while I could. I apoligize for any typos that may be in here, as I'm working with a new keyboard, and it's kinda unnatural for me to write with.
Oh well. Do what you can, right?
There must be an angel with a smile on her face, when she thought up that I should be with you.

Morning Glory

The first thing that should be established is this: This entry is another being written in class. I would have wrote last night, but my unhealthy Super Metroid addiction said otherwise. To be completely honest, I don't have to much to talk about that has happened since Sunday.
Lets see... Monday was my Grandfathers 91st birthday, which by any margin is quite an amazing lifespan. I can't help but wonder how existence (in general) has changed since he was my age... Odds are he was far more masculine, and physically in shape than me. The real thing that had me wondering was this thought, however: Was he a dreamer? Did he ever think that there was more to life than this? Maybe seventy-five years ago, Otto Gast wasn't that unlike me... As much as I wish that to be true, I think that that's not quite the case. I believe that if someone is a dreamer, they'll always be... *sigh* It's times like this I pray that I'm right. If being odd, with my head in the clouds, wanting more than what this world has to offer... I don't want to change. If growing up, and being a normal, functional, reasonable member of society is what I'm meant to be... Then I hope I have the courage to be wrong, or cast off my destiny.
Anyways, my apologies for that... I didn't mean to get all existential there, but it just sort of... happened. I'll try to at least give good warning before I do that again (which will, without doubt, happen)

I have very soft hair today!

Lazy Sunday

*Yawn* It's a lazy Sunday afternoon. Instant messaging with my mother, looking at the last handful of leaves left alive on the lonely treetops. In an odd manner of thinking, it's a little tragic, the way that they futilely cling on to the treetops, only to be swept away at some point. Ugh... Lets not get going too far down this thought path, for risk of going into the whole "questioning mortality" cycle, and then that just get's everything going around in circles...
Anyways, several days ago, I had a conversation with a dear friend (who may or may not be reading this post), which wound up revolving around the idea of... The maturity in a relationship, and how that will grow with me, and the various responsibilities of not letting that maturity come ahead of me. It just made me think about how, she was right, in saying that I need to be careful, not only with myself, but about how what I do could easily change the life of another person. This might be kind of a roundabout way of saying it, but we're all in this together. Some kind of magical chorus of all of our souls, entwined.
Well, before I go, I leave you all with this: The pain of making a mistake is nothing compared to the pain of a mistake you wish you had made.

P.S. Anyone looking for good music, check out Radiohead's 5th album, Hail to the Thief.

Fourth period, Monday... Ugh...

I've tried to do this before, and so far it's never turned out, but I guess I'll give it another try. What I'm talking about, with my obscure reference, is doing writing in the computer lab during class time... I wonder if by doing more frequent entries, I'll fall into a trap of my own creation, and whatever quality was to my entries to begin with will deteriorate. Oh well... It's not worth getting to worked up about.
Anyways, it's come to the point that I'm done my work, and now I'm just waiting for class to end. Obviously, nothing big has happened in the last two days, so instead of that, I'll try to write about my thoughts. Lately I've been contemplating our motivations about why we do what we do, and the thing that I've found, is that most of our actions are driven by three main motives: Guilt, self-gratification, and passion (namely love and anger, often a combination of the two).
Well, I try to have at least something memorable in each last paragraph, but I think that that'll be difficult in this instance, considering the classroom setting. Heh... The way things are, I'm proud of myself for having even proper grammar in this entry, nonetheless actually having slightly interesting thoughts. Well, I thank anyone who took the time to read this, and I'll try to have something more worthwhile next time.
Lay awake, with the city in silence.

No Alarms, no Suprises

Ugh... The monotony of life has really been getting to me lately. I need to switch something up in my life, or I'll simply go crazy. In any regard though, my promise to myself to attempt to do at least one entry a week has failed. Every time I attempt to come up with something worth reading, I just tire myself out, and run out of steam.
Hm... Instead of buying myself a new guitar like I kept thinking I was going to, I realized that the guys who I rock with, we're simply a garage band. No one is watching us, so the looks of our equipment won't make a difference. So, I invested in a new digital distortion pedal. It is amazing! So much fun to play with.
Woah... that wasn't good at all. I apologize for that, as it was completely unneeded. If nothing else though, it does help to illustrate the state of mental idle I've been in.
Before I finish this, let me say this to the world though. Life is only as perfect as you make it. Saints and sinners alike, life is beautiful.
Morning bell.