Wednesday, November 19, 2008

A little frusturation

Grr... Since this thing has become my new journal, I've got to say this. This is an angry entry, and my substitute for beating my head against a wall and screaming at the sky. Right now, I'm mad at, and fed up with everything. I'm not sure if I want to talk about why, but it has to do with stupid oppressive shit that I have no control over. It makes me downright furious that I can't do anything about this! Fuck! No matter what is done, it's not accomplishing anything. I've waited, and worked hard, and simply done my best, but it isn't good enough. I feel so helpless. Why doth thou piss in me so?!? Why can't things just work out the way I want them to! I don't want to say that this is unfair but... It is! I try to be a good boyfriend! I work really hard to do all the right things. I do my fucking best to say all the right things, and to be the kind of guy she deserves, so why do I deserve this? Why can't this just... Work out the way that I want it to. I know I'm selfish, and self-centered, and I hate myself for all my stupid shortcomings, but I want this more than most anything. I love her, and what I have with her, but I hate how it has to be. I've been waiting forever for something to change, but it's not! God, if somewhere, somehow you're reading this, then listen to my prayer. Please. I want this more than anything else. Just... Help everything to work out.
*sigh* sorry for that. If anyone read that, I'm sorry. Just, try to understand how I'm feeling. If anyone wants to ask me, feel free to. I can't say I'll share, but If you feel like it, go ahead.


  1. hiya there. you know your 'about me' applies to me in almost seemingly every aspect =)
    sure would love some company so i don't mind either sending e-mail or anything.
    so yup just contact me if you want and i'll write.
    btway also hope your relationship works out 4 u. u have to put up with the rain for the rainbow. terrible isn't it? don't you just wanna grab the rainbow. oh well. =) just grin and bear it.
    bye 4 now.

  2. So, what's really going on? You know,I hope, that you are not responsible for anyone else's happiness-no matter how much you love them.
    Sometimes if life keeps putting roadblocks in your path its a sign that you just may be going the wrong way.
    And, no matter what, your mother loves you ;)